What Does 6 Months of Grieving Look Like?

What does the 6-month mark of grieving look like?

I imagine it looks and feels a little different for everyone.

Time has now gifted you a bit of separation from the initial shock to your heart and mind. The pain isn’t gone, but somewhat softened. You’re not healed, but at least moving. You can find your smile, but the tears still find you too.

In our house, 6 months after losing my brother-in-law, it’s . . . different. Death can do that. It has the power to change the way you live, think, work, and love. It can change the way you just are. For us, it looks like subtle changes everywhere.

It’s laughing and singing along on a road trip, and then stopping mid-song and turning down the music to ask, “Can you believe he’s really gone?”

It’s having two extra pets in your household because he loved them, and their presence makes you think of him and smile.

It’s bringing up sweet memories and not knowing if they will cause happiness or another jab in the heart. That one is still tricky.

It’s getting excited about something he would be excited about and telling him all about it out loud, because it makes you feel better to believe he’s listening.

It’s experiencing so many “firsts” without him, and they all suck and they hurt and they make you angry and sad at the same time.

It’s taking extra special care of the plants from his funeral because even though you have the opposite of a green thumb, these plants cannot die. They just can’t.

It’s comforting someone else with a shattered heart and being able to honestly say, “I know how you feel.”

It’s moving through your everyday and realizing you went a week without getting a knot in your throat. And you feel a little glad and a bit guilty about that.

It’s seeing his comments on Facebook memories and shaking your head because you know it’s been 6 months since he’s been a part of that newsfeed but whew, how has it already been 6 months?

Six months. A lot of living has happened. A lot of grieving. A lot of growing. A lot of changing. A lot of loving.

And a lot of holding on to every good thing we can remember because we know as the months pass, we won’t “get over” this loss but we’ll be able to smile when we think about him without it hurting so much.