Dear Carson, You Have To Be The Big Brother Now

You are my precious middle child. Well, you are in the middle of four. You are second born, with two littles behind you. You are the one who wants to hang with your big brother and take care of your little brothers. You want to be like that firstborn in so many ways, but you also want to do everything opposite of him so you feel different and unique. You want to explain the world to your littles and be in the same teenager world of your big. So, yea, you’re my middle child.

And those littles look up to you and need you more than you know. And I need you. I need you to be the big brother that Miles was and is to you. He can’t do it alone. And now that you are the one with a little brother at school with you, you have to be the one to show him the ropes. That’s kinda how it goes.

When I dropped you at school today, as a fifth grader, I got so excited for what this year holds for you. So many fun projects, field trips and special fifth grade events … and I realized you are the big brother. Sawyer is the new kindergartner, the new guy on campus. Such an exciting and scary year for him. How lucky he is to have you to wave to when you pass in the hall, to hug as you separate to walk to your classrooms each morning, and to hold your hand as you walk to our car in the afternoon.

You are a natural nurturer, a hugger, a teacher. Every time the littles find a bug or snail or frog or cool rock, they want to show it to you. They want your explanation of what it is and your guidance on what they should do with it. They already look to you for knowledge about so many things in our crazy, interesting, amazing world, and I don’t think you even realize it.

I know you are not Miles. And while you compare yourself to him often, I’m glad you’re not a duplicate of him. He is an incredible big brother and role model, but I want four individual children. I want you to be you.

I want you to continue to be the awesome person your teachers, friends, and family love. And I want you to know you are already the best middle big brother, without even trying. I see the way your little brothers look at you when you’re helping them. And I hear the way you make them laugh at your silly jokes. And I feel my heart grow bigger every time you pull one of them in your lap and read to him.

So now, I need you to be Sawyer’s big brother. So Mommy can breathe easier about his transition and so you have the chance to see yourself in the lead role. You’re no longer an understudy. I know you’re ready.

Love more my precious middle child,

Mommy